I prefer married men sunny-side up, myself.

Hey Fuck Politeness, I hope you don’t watch 9am with David and Kim because today’s hot topic might have made you do a spit-take into your cornflakes.

“Why do single women poach married men?” the hosts wonder. A random survey in the U.S (could there BE a more reliable source of information pertaining to Australian women? I think not!) found that college-aged women (approximately 18-23 years) find married or otherwise unavailable men more attractive than single guys. Those little hussies!

David: “So how does the poor, poor paranoid married woman protect herself from the single women who are going to poach her husband?”

Their special guest expert? “Dating expert” Samantha Brett. (cue FP spit-take!) Her response:

“We can put a lot of blame on the guy – men perv, that’s what they do. I think we should warn our partners that these type of girls are after them, and are specifically after the challenge of chasing married or taken men, nothing more. Talk to your partner, tell him to cut back on the perving a little.”

Could there BE more sound advice? I think not! Assuming your partner is just going to mindlessly fall between another woman’s legs? Check! Portraying men as the victims of “types” of scheming single girls that plan such elaborate traps? Check! Slotting every single woman under the category of “threat”? Check! Pointed refusal to examine the unique dynamics of individual relationships that may lead to cheating behaviour? Check! Making an unrealistic demand of your partner in an attempt to control him that will probably further isolate you from each other? Check!

“Honey, I know you love looking at those sweet young thangs, but you know, they only like you because you’re married! So could you maybe try not looking at any attractive young people ever again? For me? Otherwise I'll POUT."

I certainly know I would respond positively and submissively if my husband made such a request to me! And not looking at people I find attractive whether they be friends, work colleagues, strangers or celebrities is perfectly controllable and would not at all involve sequestering myself from the entire human race! Not to mention when you stop men from PERVING - you magically stop infidelity as well!

Come on Sam, can’t you advise women to say something reasonable and mature instead of, “You looked at that waitress’s butt! She’s young which means she's a slut who likes breaking up marriages! I’m not talking to you!” Why not say:

“Look babe, sometimes I can’t help being annoyed when you perve on other women. And when I perve on attractive younger men I daresay it annoys you. I think we need to acknowledge that we are always going to see or meet other people we’re attracted to. But even if that young Spanish delivery guy with the biceps caught my eye, there’s only one man in the world I want to be with and that’s you. I need the same kind of commitment from you. I have to know that despite the occasional perve, you want to be in a relationship with me.”

(Yeah, ok, I'm not entirely sure of the correct grammatical usage of the word "perv" - does it have an 'e' when used as a verb? Or when used as a noun? I'm confused.)

As an aside, I wonder how many good dates Sam the “dating expert” actually gets. Surely she would be in a some enviable healthy fairytale relationship with a gorgeous guy she snagged with all her dating expertise and such. Does anyone know if practising what she preaches is working out for her?