Friday, March 27, 2009

Serves you right, perv

SCENE: Early afternoon, I am standing innocently at the Uni tram stop waiting to cross the road.

ENTER white van, the driver of which leans out the window and hollers at me.

DRIVER: Well hello, he-LO!

Thus distracted, driver of white van then crashes into the brand new Mitsubishi Lancer in front of it.

ME: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

FIN.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

OHS is for sissies!

Oh my God! This is one of those incidents that will make me both cringe and crack up laughing every time I remember it.

My finger - the one I slammed in a door a few months ago resulting in it swelling to the size of a golf ball before the nail gradually turned black then died then fell off and now there's half a baby nail and half a bare nail bed there - was as usual wrapped in one of those crappy plastic bandaids for work. As I was serving Table 10 (a really nice if somewhat boganish couple) IT SLIPPED OFF MY FINGER AND ONTO THE GIRL'S PLATE! WHICH ALREADY HAD CALAMARI SALAD ON IT!

Lightning-fast I retrieved it, convinced she knew what it was, and hurriedly went to change her plate and replace the food, when she was like, "No, no, I don't mind! What was it anyway?"

Reader, I took the coward's way out. "Uh... a piece of paper I had in my hand."

"Oh, ok." Maybe it was just me but she seemed A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS. She carried on eating nonetheless. So I left it at that.

OMG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am a terrible human being.

Hope she doesn't die or anything.