Tuesday, July 24, 2007

A Haiku, by Deadpool

I hate broccoli
And think it totally sucks
Why is it not meat?

Monday, July 23, 2007

Can't I get a bacon burger without being sexually harassed?

On my way home from work on Saturday night I stopped by Hungry Jack's to get a takeaway bacon deluxe burger. Mmm. While I was in the line I was approached by some guy, probably 23-25, probably drunk but still able to carry on a conversation, holding his own takeaway bag and asking me what I was 'doing later'. I told him I was going home. He suggested I might want to come out with him and his friends instead. I declined, then placed my order. To my dismay he was still waiting for me when I stepped away with my burger, and continued following me and insisting I hang out with him after I left the store.

Halfway down the block his cries degenerated to, 'Waaaait! Don't leave me like this! Hey- hey what's your name? Oh come ooooonnn....' And then I think he got cold and went back to his friends.

Now. I have a feeling this guy probably meant me no harm, as weird as it seems to say that now. It looked like he was just having a guy's night out in the city with his friends, and as they stopped by Hungry Jack's he felt the need to chat up the girl in the next line. It kinda reminded me of my guy friends when they get pissed and sometimes start chatting up random girls. This guy actually seemed nice - just a normal, albeit drunk guy with his friends, probably didn't expect me to take him up on his offer, probably thought he was complimenting me, and just wanted to chat. He probably laughed to his friends later about the 'bitch' who ignored him. But he wasn't menacing, he didn't threaten me, besides the fact he followed me out of the store techinically I was pretty safe for the interim of our exchange.

So why was I terrified?

I was alone being accosted by a stranger who 1. Could physically overpower me 2. Expressed a sexual interest in me 3. Outnumbered me. 4. Followed me after I left a well-lit public area. That could have ended worse.

It didn't. But I am trained to analyse every interaction in EVERY walk of my life - not just meeting strange men at Hungry Jack's - with the possibility that I might be attacked. I've had that drummed into my head since I was a kid. Don't go there alone, don't go there after dark, don't wear this, don't act like that. YOU MIGHT GET RAPED AND THEN WHAT, LITTLE GIRL?

Question 1: Do guys do the same thing? I mean, apart from obvious things, like don't wander around the city alone after dark which probably applies to men as well (??). Do guys AUTOMATICALLY analyse situation in terms of whether they'll be attacked or not?

Question 2: If you're a guy I was just wondering, when you and your friends approach girls during nights like this, especially girls who are alone/outnumbered by you, do you ever feel that you might be threatening them? As in, you probably don't have the slightest intention of harming her in any way, but do you ever go back and think 'oh shit, we might have really scared her', that maybe your actions could be threatening in the circumstances? (i.e she is outnumbered, you are bigger than her, you're in an isolated/unsafe area, you are drunk and she isn't, you have just expressed a sexual interest in her, etc.) And would it offend you if you realised this?

Because maybe you've never thought about it that way?

And that burger was GOOD.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Ever have one of those go-with-the-flow kinda nights that start off with one drink and end up with one or more of your friends running around naked?

Well that was my Friday night. It all started with after-work knock-off drinks, a tradition in the restaurant I work at. I was on my way home, and ex-colleagues Bron, Shar and Zar were hanging around, and they enticed me with that good old line: 'Just one more drink?' Yeah sure.

Around 15 drinks later somebody came up with the idea to go to the beach in the middle of the night. (It was probably Shar. 'Sometimes,' he always says, 'You've just gotta do something TOTALLY ABNORMAL.') This is during a Melbourne winter. I know everyone pictures Australia to be all desert-y and burning hot, but Melbourne winters are FREAKIN FREEZING!

So suddenly we're at St Kilda beach, it's raining, I'm about to die of hypothermia if not for the red wine, and Bron and Zar strip naked and run around screaming hysterically. Oddly enough, it didn't seem weird at the time. Now I'm dissolving into giggles at the thought of some poor member of the public stumbling upon us and sprinting for their lives.

Me and Shar hung out - fully clothed - on the shore, staring at the water and talking about life, love and death. Strictly speaking we aren't that close a pair of friends so it's funny we ended up confiding in each other the way we did. But sometimes a couple of drinks is all you need to really bond with someone. Not in that way, you perv.

However, my awesome inability to hold red wine came and interupted the moment, and before I knew it I was hurling out a cab door. Good night.

Zar's a funny one. He's a writer, which piqued my interest, but he has one of those unfortunate habits of trying to make every single moment a profound epiphany, and quoting random strings of poetry he's memorised trying to impress people. When you first meet him you're like, 'Wow! This guy is really deep and creative and profound' but after a while it spirals into 'Wow, this guy is really pretentious and annoying'. He's a nice enough guy but he needs to ease off on the monologues.

What I learned from this night and these people was that sometimes, you've gotta stop sitting around talking about life and love, in order to start living and loving for real. This is my life, right here right now; not hovering on the horizon while I sit on some God-forsaken Melbourne beach in the middle of winter; not sparking in the distance as I decide how I'm going to waste my time this week. My life is here, and I've got some catching up to do.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a procrastinating 21-year-old Arts student must be in need of a blog.

Here goes!