“Two black guys?”

I nearly peed myself when I saw Samuel L. Jackson in the post-credits scene in Iron Man.


While talking about action movies with a male friend of mine, we got onto the topic of The Matrix. I started laughing, relating the story of how Will Smith famously turned down the role of Neo for the lead in the horrendous flop Wild Wild West, saying, ‘Yeah right – computers taking over the world?’

My friend laughed, but after a contemplative silence goes, “Well, I don’t think Will Smith would have worked as Neo anyway. It would’ve been weird to have Morpheus and Neo as black.”

Before I could stop myself, I yelped, “What? Don’t you think that’s a bit racist?” Which was bad ‘cos he was immediately on the defensive.

“It just would’ve changed my perception of the whole movie.”

“What do you mean? You wouldn’t know any better if it had happened differently, right?”

“Just that Neo is… he starts off as a really dry sort of guy.”

“And dry default equals white?”

“What?”

“You’re saying that Mr Anderson is meant to be an Everyman.”

“Yeah.”

“And an Everyman is a white middle class male?”

By now I can practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Yes… But what would I know, I’m just an ego-centric white middle-class male too.”

My friend has this way of sneering, ‘Yeah yeah, just ignore me, I’m just a white middle class guy who wouldn’t know oppression’ whenever I say anything about the ‘isms’. I jumped back onto why Black Neo would have been problematic.

He failed to give me an adequate response. Just kept going back to, ‘Well, Morpheus was black too. If both Neo and Morpheus were black it would’ve been… different.”

Is there a black leading guys quota I’m not aware of?

Is it really that much of a stretch to have two of three heroes (if you count the three heroes to be Neo – Morpheus – Trinity) as non-white in a major blockbuster movie?

Laurence Fishburne (Morpheus) is African American. Moreover…

Marcus Chong (Tank) is multiracial*.

Anthony Ray Parker (Dozer) is African American.

Gloria Foster (The Oracle) is African American.

The sequels included Jada Pinkett-Smith (Niobe) and Harold Perrineau Jnr. (Link) and Sing Ngai/Collin Chou (Seraph) and Randall Duk Kim (The Keymaker).

But if Neo was black that’s overstepping the mark?

WHY? Because we already have token black characters – we can’t make the hero of the whole movie black? That’s just way too different/unlikely/threatening? The hero has to appeal to EVERYBODY – failing that he has to appeal to the majority, the target audience for whom every conceivable thing on this planet is created to cater for – who just so happen to be white heterosexual middle-class men.

I just find it so weird that my friend would feel this way. I think I upset him a little (well, I more or less called him racist) but seriously? He didn’t specifically reject the actor for the role (although he did say Will Smith isn’t serious enough), it was specifically the race of the actor.

Is it that hard to have the hero of a major action movie someone who is Other? Someone who is not You – but might represent Someone Else?

I asked him to name some movies starring black action heroes. He came up with Blade and Shaft. Here’s mine:

• Blade

And that is all I had off the top of my head. Talk about brain fart. After some internet inspiration…

• Samuel L. Jackson (HELL YES, particularly Pulp Fiction, Star Wars and Snakes on a Plane, and I am so loving him as Nick Fury)
• Bruce Lee (including general actors of colour)
• Jackie Chan
• Vin Diesel
• Jet Li
• Will Smith, even though he did turn down The Matrix, still counts with the likes of Bad Boys and I Am Legend under his belt

And yes, I realise this is not a ground-breaking realisation. White-washing in the media and racism in Hollywood and never casting people of colour as heros or solo stars in their own rights - all of this has been critiqued before. It's 'been done'. But no, it's not done, it's still relevant. 'Cos it's still a problem.

*I am not entirely sure of Marcus Chong‘s real ethnicity and can’t seem to find any information on it. I know he was adopted by Chinese-Canadian Tommy Chong and that his name was originally Marcus Wyatt. To me he appears to be of mixed descent.

I'm sure it would have been hilarious... in Texas 1959

Ha, so there I was, watching The 7pm Project’s discussion of the shitstorm that is Hey, Hey’s blackface debacle, thinking, who is this complete and utter wankstain they have on as a guest?

Says he: “I think this is a big fuss about racism without anyone actually being able to find anyone that’s racist. [to Hughes, challengingly] Do you think Daryl Somers is a racist? Do you think those blokes are really in their hearts – racist?”

No! In their heart of hearts they weave rainbows and adopt homeless puppies and OH WAIT NO they are just racist actually! Yes, yes they are, even if they do nice things and donate to charity and don't commit mass genocide! Going on a crappy variety show and covering your face in shoe polish and dressing as a minstrel and PERFORMING IN BLACKFACE still falls under "racism", see?

Says he: “I do think there was no racist intent on their behalf. The whole thing is about seeming, not being... We beat ourselves up for being racist! Unnecessarily in my opinion.”

Oh my fuck, you can’t be serious. An educated, presumably well-read, grown man genuinely believing and perpetuating the belief it is more offensive to be called racist than actually doing incredibly racist things.

And let’s talk about intention, shall we? Let’s use a crazy comparison! Like, say I did something “incredibly dumb”, to use the words you use to describe this abomination of a skit, and got behind the wheel of my car and started texting. And maybe as a result I run over a couple of people and break their legs. Oh, but then I wring my hands and cry and wave my phone and wail, “I didn’t mean to! Sure it was a silly thing to do, something generally frowned upon by authority figures and bound to have consequences, but it was not my intention to cause harm.”

Ir-fucking-relevant. Your actions have lead to serious consequences. Address them. Don’t yak on about your itty bitty feelings and your bullshit “intention” after you’ve hit people with a fucking car. Which is what watching that racist-as-fuck skit felt like.

Says he: “Some of [the outrage] is a bit ‘look at me’ – the easiest way to seem noble and non-racist yourself is to accuse someone else... some people get off on that.”

Why, precisely! People expressing outrage over racism just want to look good! Not to mention people of colour who might have been offended – no really, I’m not mentioning them I’m just going to cleverly imply that anybody who is offended is some white guy who just wants to look noble! This outrage is coming from all those PC wankers that want ATTENTION! What is this guy’s address, I’m going to vomit in a box and send it to him.

“You’ve got to see it in a little bit of context... they were reprising something they did in the less sensitive years.”

Yes, the good old “less sensitive years”, when you could call Asians “Nips” and make fun of disabled people and perform in blackface and treat oppressed groups as subhuman, whatever happened to those merry times? Oh that’s right we tried to evolve into a society that respects all its members and treats people like human fucking beings!

Here's some fucking context you willfully ignorant scum of society.

What do you know? Turns out this illustrious guest was Andrew Bolt, of all damn people. Glad to see my fuckwit-o-rometer is still finely tuned.

PS: Oh yeah and way to go Hey, Hey - like we needed more proof that Australia is full of dicks.

F.Y.I, I am Filipino-Australian

Dear everyone who thinks its any of their God-damned business what ethnicity I am:

First of all, it’s not. Any of your damn business, that is. I mean shit, here I am just waiting for the tram/trying to have a conversation with my friend/taking your order/entering my apartment building/studying in the library/ordering a beer, who the hell are you that I have to disclose personal information to satisfy your fascination? I mean, the mere fact that I'm a young woman in public doesn't mean you have a right to get up in my face in the first place, let alone ask intrusive questions.

When you look me up and down and start loudly proclaiming stuff along the lines of, “You soooo do not look Filo!” “You don’t look Asian at all!” you are perfectly entitled to your opinions. Far be it from me to tell people that their perceptions of what so-and-so ethnicities are supposed to look like are right or wrong. I can argue or disagree but I can’t tell you not to have an opinion.

I ask only that you keep this in mind. This is my RACE you are talking about. My mixed race, to be exact. Not a kooky t-shirt, or my hairstyle, or some teapot off Antiques Roadshow – my race. This is an unchangeable, significant and unique part of my identity that is completely removed from you and your preconceptions of race. This is something personal and important to me.

And you think you can just waltz on up and tell me I'm doing it wrong. Usually while HITTING on me. For God's SAKE.

Here’s something else: you are not the first and unfortunately won’t be the last to make these observations about my looks. I have to defend my own racial background to nosy people every day. Oh yes, I do. I have to smile obligingly and nod knowingly every time somebody stares at me like I'm an exotic flower and says, “Wow, you’re different, what are you?” I'm a girl minding her own damn business, what are you?

I have to laugh with them (over and over and fucking over again) when they say (often repeatedly), “But you don’t look Filipino! You don’t even look Asian! You look Italian/ South American /Thai/ Maltese/ Spanish/ Egyptian...”

Yes, you know, I think I get it! I’m biracial! I look a bit different! I’m not quite one race, not quite another! IT’S CRAZY!

When you tell me in what to you is a casual remark that I don’t look how I’m supposed to look, you make me feel like I have somehow failed something. And you are talking about MY RACE.

It’s like going up to random kids and saying, “Oh, is that your mum? You don’t look anything alike! No really, you don’t look like her at all, how funny! Are you sure that’s your mum?”

I mean come on, is that polite? Maybe to your eyes it’s the truth, but you don’t have to go talking shit about the way people look, do you?

You can say what you think I "should" be based on my looks.

Just like I can say for the love of God’s arse you need to shut the hell up, I’m sick of hearing it and you’re being fucking rude.

And no, I don't want to catch up for a drink sometime.

OMG there's an Asian person on Ramsay Street???

Erinsborough residents marvelled as the Token Asian Girl tunnelled into Ramsay Street from China.

Ok, what? Just as I was complaining that there are hardly any people of colour on Australian TV, I tuned in to Neighbours last week for some Godforsaken reason and was introduced to a Miss Sunny Lee, latest arrival to Ramsay Street. I prepared to cringe.

In the brief parts of the episode I watched, this Asian teenager was confidently introducing herself as ‘the new exchange student from Korea’ and saying things like, “Is this how you do things in Australia?”

In a broad Australian accent. I can buy an exchange student who has travelled extensively (and perhaps been taught English in school – perhaps even attended an International School) having a good grasp of English. I don’t buy an international student who has never been to Australia with an obvious Australian accent. Is there an Australia-Town ghetto in Seoul? Maybe there’s some future plot that reveals that Sunny is actually a criminally insane teenage runaway pretending to be an exchange student, but the fact that other characters never question her story or accent seems to quell this theory.

After a bit of web-searching I’ve learned she is played by actress/model Hany Lee Choi. There is no information on this character or Hany Lee Choi on the Neighbours website but there are some active forum threads discussing the new character. There is also a page from that fountain of free knowledge, _Wikepedia. “[Sunny Lee] was created by producer Susan Bower in response to criticism that Neighbours was "too white" ^[1], as Sunny will be Korean.”

There goes that cringe.

What producer Susan Bower had to say on racial diversity on Neighbours: ‘‘I would like it (Neighbours) to reflect Australian society, but I can’t give Libby and Dan a black baby so it has to come in a natural way. I don’t believe in bringing in people for the sake of it. It has to be part of the story and it has to be believable. … I know we’re going to get flak about this gorgeous little Korean girl who’s going to be coming in next year, because you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”

Damn straight you’re going to get flak, Bower, when you can’t even stick to your own principle of introducing characters in a ‘believable’ and ‘natural’ fashion. So, you’ve begrudgingly thrown a token Asian girl into the White mix. Unfortunately you’re obviously not willing to tackle any further issues regarding her race, and so you fail.

Are you so behind the times that you think a pair of slanted eyes and brown skin will confuse your viewers? You think the only plausible way for an Asian chick to be in Melbourne suburbia is for her to be an exchange student (does over a hundred years of Asian migration to Victoria mean NOTHING to you?) yet you can’t be bothered either casting a native Korean actress for the role, or taking the time to research Korean culture/speech/etc. in order to train the current actress. Seriously, an exchange student from Seoul with a clearly Australian accent dressing like she’s in a Dangerfield ad and swanning around speaking perfect English? Weak. How stupid do you think your viewers are?

Why not just write her as an Asian-Australian girl? Plausible and interesting. But then you’d have to hire Asian actors to play her family as well, and that’s tipping the status quo a little too much, isn’t it?

There are a million ways you could have realistically introduced a ‘gorgeous little Korean girl’ onto the cast of Neighbours. Need to conveniently import her from somewhere and dump her into the Kennedy home? Need to justify why she was born in Australia but her Korean parents are nowhere in sight? She’s in foster care. She’s adopted. She ran away from home. She’s from Sydney and won a school scholarship and had nowhere to stay to pursue it. Her parents spend all their time travelling with her singer/actress younger sister. See how easy and non-insulting that is?

There are so many interesting ways to explore race through your medium. Is she homesick? Going through culture shock? How do the younger kids (Callum and Charlie) react to Sunny, presuming they are not exposed to many Asian people in their insulated little world? Do the other teenagers at school sing that racist ‘Chinese Japanese, dirty knees’ taunt that the boys used to sing to my Korean best friend in school? How about having her get angry when Paul Robinson or someone conflates her ethnicity with ‘Chinese’?

Or is it all too hard? You’ve thrown those loudmouthed critics a bone; I suppose you’ll want to leave it at that. Just over your ears and yell, “You’re still not happy with the pretty Korean doll? I told you – damned if you do and damned if you don’t! LALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU ANYMORE!” like everyone else.

Tokenism.

PS: *facepalm* Why, oh WHY did I read the rest of the comments in that “‘Perfect blend’ to colour casting” article? Are you feeling threatened by the fact that Australian TV might not cater exclusively to you in future, opinionated- white- folks- who- throw- hysterical- screaming- tantrums- at- the- slightest- hint- that- somebody- somewhere- out- there- might- or- might- not- have- just- called- you- racist?

Camden needs an 'Idiots Guide to Racism'

What the president of the Camden/Macarthur Residents' Group, Emil Sremchevich, had to say on the group’s hysterical rejection of a proposed rural Muslim school versus their happy support of a planned Catholic school:

"Why is that racist? Why is it discriminatory? It's very simple: people like some things but don't like other things. Some of us like blondes, some of us like brunettes. Some of us like Fords, some of us like Holdens. Why is it xenophobic just because I want to make a choice? If I want to like some people and not like other people, that's the nature of the beast."

Um, Mr. Sremchevich? Are you, I don’t know, drunk or something? If you want to like white people and not like people of colour…

That’s RACIST you head-up-your-arse, threatened-by-anything-not-patriarchal-white-and-middle-class, ridiculous backwater TRASH.

Choosing to support the proposal of one educational facility over another primarily because of their respective religious foundations?

That’s DISCRIMINATION, idiotbox. (And amazingly, brown people can be Catholic too.)

When people like local folk, and hate foreign folk?

That’s XENOPHOBIA. (Oh what in the name of unholy fuck do you mean, 'WHY IS IT XENOPHOBIC IF I WANT TO LIKE SOME PEOPLE AND NOT OTHERS?' Do you even know the definition of this word? Hint: it does not mean 'fear of Xena'.)

Racism, discrimination and xenophobia are rather different playing fields when compared to having a preference for FUCKING Fords or FUCKING Holdens, you unbelievable rancid ass. Guess which one has a centuries-old history of human rights abuse, systematic slavery, genocide, murder, rape, lynchings, torture and hate crimes that still resonate in the fabric of society today and fuels hatred and violence and fear for everyone? But hey, your Play School logic gives me admirable insight into your character and intelligence quotient. With a name like ‘Sremchevich’ you’d think you’d be a little bit more tolerant of Other-ness.

You like some things, and don’t like other things? Oh hey, me too! I, for one, don’t like malicious, ill-educated bigots that spread their hatred around small communities and make me ashamed to be Australian.

I don't think they'll take this up

Dear Cosmo/Every Single Beauty Magazine Ever,

Every month you can expect the same thing on your cover. Arbitrary white stick-insect model/celebrity, repeated ad nauseam.

I want to see more covers featuring Australian women of different (and recognisably different) ethnic backgrounds. Not just once in a while, either. Regularly.

How about a gorgeous Chinese cover-girl next month? Or a beautiful Sudanese woman? Where are the pretty Lebanese girls? And the Indian women? Have we EVER seen an Iranian / Fijian / Japanese / Columbian / Indonesian / Mauritian / Filipino woman gracing your cover page? How about the stunning Aboriginal model Samantha Harris (above), or spunky Video Hits presenter Faustina 'Fuzzy' Agolley (left)? The possibilities are endless! You have acknowledged that Australian women come of all different shapes and sizes, but it seems you are yet to acknowledge that their skin tones can be just as variable.

In this thriving multi-racial country I see billboard after billboard of white, white, white girls, and that's not what I see when I look around me. Though your magazines are (slowly) beginning to recognise women as something other than paper-thin unattainable ideals of beauty, you are yet to adequately represent women who are NOT WHITE. These young girls and women also want to read your magazine. And they are invisible for the majority of the pages within.

Do it for the young Asian/Middle Eastern/African/Latina/Aboriginal teenage girl who loves your magazines but can never find a role model that looks like her.