And they returned to find their cat on fire

Why is it on soap operas that whenever characters angrily go to somebody's house to confront them, the home owner always walks off in a huff after an exchange of heated words, assuming (I guess) that their enemy will just let themselves out? I mean, it’s kind of weird.

If I’d just gone to somebody’s house, and we’d had a huge fight, and they stormed off leaving me to my devices in their kitchen/hall/living room... well, I don’t know, I guess it’d depend on what the fight was about.

"World peace!"

I'm watching Miss Universe 2009 right now. Yes, we have very delayed telecasts here in Oz. Anyway, I’m not usually one for watching beauty pageants, but I have to admit to lovin' the evening gown worn by Miss Dominican Republic. I’m sure my mum could tailor a suitable knock-off. She’d probably raise an eyebrow at the butt-hugging and see-through parts, though.

...Ok I’m at the notorious Q & A segment of the pageant and am now realising why I do not watch these things. Miss Venezuela: “I believe women are at the same level as men... and we need to realise that there are no longer any barriers between us.”

Yeah, thank God that the objectification of women’s bodies is a thing of the past and we're not paraded around like pretty dolls and you’re not in a multi-million dollar industry founded on shallow and damaging feminine beauty ideals which reinforces the judgement of women on the basis of their physical attractiveness alone on an international scale.

Oh, wait!

ETA: Aaaand she just won Miss Universe. Figures.

Ramsay VS. Grimshaw

Oh media frenzy, we're all a bit over it, give it a rest. One is a crass, misogynistic and obnoxious human being, the other makes a living exploiting and manipulating people with sensationalist soft 'journalism'. Neither is worth the three or four consecutive nights of coverage you're giving them.

I can't believe I can even be bothered weighing in on this.

A good time for flippancy this ain't.

Man, that is one insensitive beeyatch.

It's like adding 'in my pants' to everything!

Ha, here’s a fun new way for me to procrastinate! Smith Magazine asked its readers to submit their life stories in a six-word memoir (which are also collected in the book, Not What I was Planning). This is based on the legend that Hemmingway was once challenged to write a story in six words or less. He came up with, “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

Some of the submissions are witty, some are poignant, most are HILARIOUS.

My boobs used to be perky.
My iMac ate my kid’s homework.
Alone, but not lonely. I lied.

What would my 6-word life look like, I wonder…?

Aspires to superheroism. Alas! No powers.
Tiny body outweighed by big boobs.
Death not so bad. Living overrated.
Writing this when should be working.
Will be asked for ID forever.
Drinks 'til she spews. Good times.
Is cute 'til she punches you.

In August Austenprose caught onto this idea and asked commenters to submit 6-word reviews of Mansfield Park.

Pug. Fanny Price’s Fairy Dogmother.
Did Jane Austen write Mansfield Park?
Poor relative. Ha-ha romance. Maria defects.
Mrs Norris: worse than the cat.

How awesome if I could write essays like this!

Hamlet: Family drama. Everyone dies. The end.
Wuthering Heights: Seriously, what is it with Heathcliff?
Pride and Prejudice: Lizzie, Judgey-Wudgey was a bear.
The Fellowship of the Ring: United but fall. Resistance is futile.
Sherlock Holmes: Detective on crack. It makes sense.
Wuthering Heights: They needed to get out more.

This can be applied to frickin' anything.